Since I moved to Calgary, I have dabbled in the online dating scene. Usually it plays out in the following way: we message, move to texting and decide to meet. If we make it to meeting, this is when I realize, contrary to their online profile and messages, they are nothing like how I imagined. (Insert my Mom, “Honey, maybe your standards are too high.” Really Mom? Do you want me to settle??) It’s a shame the online world leads me to interpret their messages with my tone and sense of humour. I should read messages in a computer voice to determine if I’m truly interested. If you can hold my interest while speaking in a monotone then I think you’d have a fighting chance.
My friends keep telling me to continue with online dating, but it’s a big time commitment and, to be honest, it’s a bit annoying. Do I really want to filter through messages from 40 year old creepers telling me that we are meant to be together because of my beautiful eyes? While I appreciate the compliments, I can’t help but gag a little. What women fall for these lines?
On the other end are the guys who take time to write something original, and try to be funny while doing so. Unfortunately, I am rarely interested or attracted to these guys. One guy wrote “I'm sure you're a cool, intelligent person and all, but what I'm still debating about is, in my experience the prettier a girl is, the more insane she is, which would make you quite insane.” When he referenced the hot-to-crazy-ratio, I laughed out loud and then I looked at his profile and realized we had nothing in common, I wasn’t attracted to him and he was short. A for effort – at least you don’t make me gag.
Somewhere between these creepy and funny guys are guys that I’m actually interested in. They have good jobs, families and friends, and are witty, smart and caring. The conversation was easy and interesting, and when we decide to exchange numbers or emails I have no reservations about it. I recently did this with “Dave,” but as soon as the first few text messages were exchanged, red flags appeared. He mentioned it was his birthday, so I wished him a happy one and asked what he wanted. “Health for my friends and family, and a girlfriend that loves me. We’ll see what you can help with :)” Could this message scream co-dependent any louder – I don’t even know the guy and he’s dropping the words girlfriend and love? CALM DOWN! I wanted to reply “Well, I’ll make sure I start eating salads and hit the gym to stay healthy.” Instead I changed the subject and said something came up and I couldn’t meet later that week. Smooth. (after re-reading this I realize how I sound like a commit-a-phobe.)
As I mentioned, when I do decide to meet a guy they usually turn out nothing like I imagined. Take Hippie Boy. I dubbed him Hippie Boy because on our first date he told me his parents raised him vegan, but that he had recently become a vegetarian. That should have been my first red flag, but I looked past his meatless diet because he was nice, funny, smart and SO tall. We went on five dates, had chemistry, great discussions and he always told me how cute I was. He even took me for a float down the Bow River and prepared an island picnic for us (go veggie burgers!) complete with homemade potato salad and beer. *swoon* The problem? He never even tried to hold my hand, let alone try anything else. I’m a modern woman, but I believe men should take the lead in areas like this. You’re trying to woo me remember Hippie Boy? An awkward hug at the end of the date will not help you do this. Grab your balls and make a move already.
I know a lot of friends who have had success in the online dating world, and I know their standards are not lower than mine, so why do I attract all these duds? Is my Mom right – are my standards really too high? But if I'm not attracted to the guy, or I'm put-off by something he said, should I really continue with it? Why waste my time? Maybe instead of perusing these dating websites, I should be looking at the Calgary Humane Society to find my perfect cat. My perfect cat would never do any of the above. Just saying.
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